So you bought a pool.

A bold choice, braveheart. Did you think it’d be fun? Did you picture lounging in serenity, sipping something fruity while the neighborhood children politely applauded your water chemistry skills?

Wrong. So wrong.

What you actually bought was:

• A $30,000 regret puddle
• A second job as an unpaid part-time pool technician
• And a never-ending war against frogs, leaves, and that one mystery foam

Enter: The Moron’s Guide to Pool Ownership

The world’s first* (*possibly only) pool care book that doubles as a warning label. It’s like if a Home Depot pamphlet got drunk, had an existential crisis, and started yelling into a skimmer basket.

Inside this full-color fever dream:

🧴 You’ll learn what pH balance is… and promptly ignore it
💀 Discover the difference between chlorine shock and emotional shock
🧂 Saltwater vs. Chlorine: Which one will destroy your soul slower?
🦆 Meet the wildlife that now owns your pool (and maybe your home)
🔥 Witness the flaming floatie. It knows what you did.
🍕 Uncover the forgotten slice of pizza floating beneath your shame

You won’t come out of this smarter, but you will come out wetter and probably more emotionally unstable.

📦 What You Get:

• ✅ A gloriously unhelpful yet weirdly accurate survival guide
• ✅ A full-color PDF packed with jokes, pool panic, and chlorine-soaked wisdom
• ✅ Enough pool knowledge to confidently gaslight your neighbors
• ✅ The ability to laugh through tears while googling “how to remove algae from everything including my soul”

💲 Price:

$2.99
Because therapy is expensive and this counts as emotional support.

🧠 WARNING:

This book contains:

• Chemical chaos
• Legal liabilities disguised as “pool parties”
• Frogs with boundary issues
• Financial devastation with a tropical twist
• One duck. He’s in charge now.

🧽 RAVE REVIEWS (EXTREMELY QUESTIONABLE SOURCES):

“I finally understand my pool. I hate it, but I understand it.”
— Someone in a towel cape

“The author clearly needs help. But so do I.”
— Verified Reader, probably in therapy

“I read this while draining my pool and crying. 5 stars.”
— Kevin

🏊‍♂️ DIVE IN, YOU BEAUTIFUL FOOL.

Buy now. Regret later.
Just like your pool.